Monday, May 7, 2007

orientation

i peed in a cup, was told how to wash my hands, and instructed not to play with anyone's blood or faeces, all completed while signing a dozen forms that i prmoised to work hard, be on time, use ethical standards and best practices, and to never, ever use scotch tape in the building (the ceo has a thing about scotch tape). i was not going to school, jail, or being interviewed by INS; today was "orientation".

corporate compliance and quality improvement absorbed most of the afternoon, where we picked at our muffins and watched videos on how to avoid back injuries at work- "plan your move before you lift that ream of copier paper"- and circled quizzes to test our knowledge base of the policies and procedures: if someone throws up do you a) go play in it and try to make little figures and animals to distract the client from their distress? b) point and laugh, they have to toughen up and maybe NEXT time they'll learn to get to a bathroom a bit quicker, or c) run gagging, out of the room, hand clapped firmly over mouth while trying not to slip and slide in the hazardous waste?

in conclusion, we were told that we are on the front lines for catching flu, chicken pox, TB, lice and ringworm. i'm already a step ahead on this one, i just noticed a new little crop on my hand that never went away from my last fungal infection.

5 comments:

total-spender said...

This must of been a stressful day: particularly when you are peeing in a cup, avoiding the use of scotch tape and trying to get everyone to like you all at the same time.

I salute you.

Linda said...

My day just got almost as bad as yours and I was talking to the IRS. I seems when they screwed up my 2005 taxes and I sent the change in to fix their mistake...I made the correction referring to 2004 instead. So now I owe for both years and have to fix both. Aaarg am I really college educated.

kicker of elves said...

I'd suggest you play the fungus in the hand to your advantage since it's gotten by the initial screening. Alongside this suggestion I also implore anyone who has ideas about how best to play this card speak up! The time is ripe (literally!).

Melinder said...

Fungus on your hand?!!! I am surprised they let you in the building without covering you in hazmat suit!

maggie said...

so that's what you've been doing lately.