Friday, February 27, 2009

attached white female seeking same or different, for various activities

finding an eternal partner to argue over which way the loo roll should be placed is easy. weeding out the potential girlfriends who will bring you colouring books and soup when you're home sick, versus the ones who bring you grief, drama and just make you sick, is not yet available as a feature on eharmony.

once you have secured that "first date", it's a fine balance between personifying the single white psycho and coming on too eager for BFF-dom, versus feigning nonchalance and losing the interest of your future "three-hours-at-the-coffee-shop-talking-about-anal-bleaching" buddy. however, trying to discourage further contacts with a boring and/or attention seeking female who thinks that puns are the epitome of wit, proves to be more challenging than not punching her antithesis; "super-bubbly-girl-who-claps-her-hands-in-delight-(repeatedly)-and-somehow-manages-to-verbalize-the-exclamation-point-at-the-end-of-each-exuberant-statement".

and so the interview process begins; will this person reject me when they find out how overly neurotic and sensitive i really am (will i want to throttle her for being that way too?), does she exhibit the comittment to drive to another state just to go to the outlets- of which only 5 of the 325 shops will be hit? will she make a good running buddy and share the bodyglide? can i convince her to strap on a bike helmet and start building up a collection of 'trail bruises'? can she match my stories about peeing in the car/hedge/on myself?

our "date" ended with an emergency stop at mcdonalds for an evacuation of the chicken saag consumed at lunch. as far as i'm concerned, bodily functions on a "first date" suggests the beginning of a long and entertaining friendship.

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