Tuesday, September 16, 2008

me! me! pick me!

dearest, and most skinny and svelte looking in your dry clean only ann taylor scrubs, admissions committee for the accelerated bachelor's of science in nursing, program;

please consider this, my run-on sentence letter of intent and personal discourse on the many, many qualities that i bring to the pool of teachers, firemen, computer geeks, and med school drop out applicants-- least of which is the "D" i got in GCSE biology, although that was the british curriculum, and you have no idea what it means, so please disregard that statement, but do note that i chose the human science over nerdy physics or 'too many acronyms to learn in the periodic table chemistry' options. and, if it comes down to me and a perimenopausal dance instructor from bangor, then it would behoove you to remember that a truly diverse cohort would include an african-american-blue-eyed-blonde-alien, who has lived in 7 countries (many, third world) before turning 16, who has a british accent- and not one of those unintelligible david beckham varieties, but something with a bit of class and polish.

while i have accumulated a pick 'n mix selection of degrees and certificates (i could teach aerobics; to children; with mental health issues; that do not speak english; waxing poetic about the abstract expressionist movement; while scuba diving), my desire to change careers (once again), in third-life, is brought on by fruitless efforts to obtain any form of employment that pays the equivalent of our equal opportunity friends who greet bargain seekers at wal-mart. unfortunately, my parents were the type who left it up to me to find something that "made me happy", and did not feel the need to coerce and threaten me into a career as a brain surgeon or barrister-- unlike my now, gainfully employed peers (with pushy parents). ideally, i would like to make my living by writing the next new york times bestseller, however, this also falls under the "do what makes you happy/feel fulfilled/unable to contribute to your 401k every month" category, and as evidenced by the teeny-tiny readership on my blog, i'm more likely to join oprah's book club than to feature in it.

in addition to being prepared for the grueling, 13 month, lecture/quiz/clinicals schedule (i trained for a marathon you know), i would like to assure you that i am also extremely comfortable with bodily functions-- faeces and flatulence being a particular area of interest-- where references (from the lunchtable and other random co-workers) to support this, are available upon request. i am also chronically co-dependent, an obvious pre-requisite to bum wiping and catheter insertion, and there are several ex-boyfriends who would be more than happy for me to type a letter for them confirming this.

finally, i am excited at the prospect of wearing scrubs every day, although i must confess to being a little wary about turning into "puffy and matronly nurse", however, i would also like to assure you, dear 'still winsome and willow committee', that my long term career goal is not to become "giggling, vacuous airhead nurse looking for a daddy figure doctor to have an affair with".

i already have one.


the 1-out-of-300-for-30-spots-that-you-choose.


bethany said...

that is the most amazing thing i have ever read and quite honestly think you should just send it in like that. they would laugh and definitely remember you and totally accept you!

Disa said...

i wish you were on the admissions committee, but somehow i dont think (while it would certainly make me memorable), that it would make me memorable in a 'we trust you to stick needles in old peoples' veins' way. i did see in the curriculum that there was a whole rotation on ob/gyn- ugh. i'd have to look up a speculum??? they HAVE to accept me into this program, there is so much blogging mileage to get out of nursing...

mansuetude said...

You R memorable, that is without effort.

Your writing way out ranks any Oprah book club... I think a monthly column to start--then novels; essays of satire.

Whatever makes you happy! :)

Disa said...

some day...that's what everyone said (apart from the frigid temps) about moving to maine- a place to write.

not a big fan of ms. winfrey's book pics, or that she hung james frey of "a million little pieces" fact or fiction up to dry, was a good read, whether true or not.

mansuetude said...

Disa, You ARE the "place to write."

You. You are the little room of quiet to sit in, to write in. Every minute of time, its you, collecting impressions.

You--and the way your mind and heart sees and the way you wrangle language, dance and groove with it. It doesn't matter what else you do--You are what you are; that gift doesn't allow you to NOT BE what it IS.


Disa said...

wow. where were you when i was 16 and had the self-esteem of a rotting jellyfish?

:) thanks, youre comments are always welcome, always positive, always there.