Tuesday, September 9, 2008

it's so cold, you could cut reinforced steel with your nipples

severe weather is the only thing that could usurp the current orgiastic underage/premarital/republican/pregnant media ruckus occupying people magazine and the aqua netted TV "journalists" on fox news. the hysteria over precipitation in the northeast (or midwest, or san diego for that matter) is commensurate with the release of a new harry potter book, or the naan bread being refilled at the $4.99 indian lunch buffet.

i am beginning to question the reality of the "new england winter". salesmen at lowes, ex's mothers, friends who would not be able to identify the state of maine on a map, have provided the reassuring posture of an epileptic bobble head that it gets cold-- very cold-- "up there". winter is now the scary monster in the basement, or nessie, or the abominable snowman...maybe nancy reagan, without her make-up, wearing saran-wrap.

the opinions of others (except when it comes to liking me) are generally disregarded. this was reinforced after several repeated cautions that a 45 minute hike through mammoth cave, kentucky was going to be more physically grueling than pulling a london bus, with my teeth, while having a case of delhi belly.

perhaps it is denial, but as a 10 year resident of the ohio valley, i have seen meteorological meltdowns supersized to texas hair proportions. all the naysayers are invited up for crustasceans and butter- capilene, monogrammed fleece underwear will be waiting for each of you.


mansuetude said...

ha ha :)

i didn't know i could do that with my nipples... we used to say (when we were very young) "its getting rather nipply out" whenever a chill fell on the evening. :)

on Lobster: Do i have to send the ghost of my grandmother over there to show you how to eat that thing? kissing it a tease...:)

hope you're settling in well.

Disa said...

yes, my brother (and dad- the perpetual 12 year old) fell about laughing when we first heard that line in 'christmas vacation'.

please send your granny over; i need the company while i strip walls :)