sometimes it would be nice to have a very obvious "stop", "one way", or "dead end" at the seemingly never-bloody-ending estuaries of (my) life. perhaps more urgent because the map reading and navigation areas of my brain appear to be in a perpetual state of atrophy. however, even when asking for signs to launch into explosive fireworks along my well manicured yellow brick road, i tend to get a little greedy. when exactly are there enough signs (to stop procrastinating)?
an anxious "before the alarm goes off" dream of my desired outcome; a voicemail from a friend i hadn't spoken to in a while assuming i was engaging in the very thing i was waiting for signs/procrastinating from; the theme of the commemorative stamp collection stapled to the display board at the local post office; a co-worker i rarely talk to (and know very little about), throwing out the very noun i'd just seen at the post office/in my dream/cited in the voicemail.
once i stopped procrastinating, validation quickly followed.
outlook is good.
2 comments:
you are so too hard on yourself--i think its a fact of your intelligent mind... Your writing voice is so multi-layered, i bet you're not procrastinating but actually building interior roots... strong grip on something you don't see the "reality" of yet! If this makes sense...
you just reframed things in a way i didnt have the words to. interior roots...i like that, they sound a lot easier to get used to than those big ones we get to see, sit on, ride bikes over.
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