Tuesday, October 23, 2007

not for the squeamish

the yukky doctor; round 2. the nurse led me to a special "procedure room", where she informed me that the YD was going to perform something that had at least 5 syllables, and ended in "oscopy" (good thing i had just emptied my bladder).

she familiarized me (as a way to alleviate anxiety?) with the assortment of 12 inch metal instruments that would be part of said procedure. it really looked like she was getting ready to assemble kebabs for a BBQ (can i get one with an ovary on it?) all the while calling me "sweetie" (yes, i wanted to slap her for that too).

i was instructed to disrobe and sit on the padded paper (exactly how much fluid was she planning on siphoning?) and informed that i would definitely feel cramps and more than likely bleed. on her way out of the door, to give me pre-stirrup "privacy", she noted the feminine hygiene products ("heavy flow") for my conveniance.

before i could ask about skipping next year's exam (doing double duty in one month should count for something) the YD said she wanted to see me (and my bits) back in 6 months. aging is happening, my uterus will need a zimmer frame to shuffle around on. if the YD starts talking mammograms at the next appointment, i will resign myself to the fact it is time to start shopping for dr scholl's orthopaedic shoes in their only shade of tan.

5 comments:

mansuetude said...

Disa,

You are SO funny. kebabs with an ovary on it? You took a serious thing and made it "disrobed" it too.

disa said...

test results came back "fine", but get this, they want to bloody skewer (oh, pun is sooo intended) in 3 months instead of 6. bloody rip off. this is about making money. why the bloody hell do i have to go back 3 months SOONER if all is well? take time out of my bloody work day, to write out another bloody cheque...bloody doctors.

mansuetude said...

Don't worry darling, if they say you are healthy, live! We are all a bit timid of health issues and they are making money but you are blessed that they scrape you and indulge in knowing you are well. Love them!

Jill said...

I totally don't understand what they're skewering, but I HATE IT when doctors or dentists or anyone else shows the instruments. If it's not a musical instrument, I don't want to know about it for cryin' out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope it was nothing painful and the three month visit comes & goes uneventfully.

Kat said...

omg - I had no idea you were going through this shit! What a pain in the ass... (and uterus...) I am SO glad the test results came back "fine."

And, yes, it's all about the money. Those bastards. I went in for a regular appt ($35 copay), and for a simple UTI test (not including antibiotics or anything), they charged me $250 EXTRA! ALL THAT to tell me the results that I ALREADY KNEW THANKS! AS IF THE PAIN WASN'T ENOUGH! a-holes.