Monday, September 10, 2007

checkout guilt

guilt is as natural a process for me, as silent farting/picking a scab/organizing my books by colour and height. these behaviors are all used to manage anxiety. however, they are of no bloody use when i am asked: "paper or plastic?" at the supermarket checkout.

"uhhhhh...which ever?"

i know those sideburny/hairy/horn rimmed spectacle wearing hipsters in weathered cords from the gap, who are scanning my bagel chips and pink grapefruit italian soda at whole foods, are judging my ambivalence. they choose "paper" for me. then ask "do you want your milk in a bag?" (as opposed to carrying a cold, wet gallon to and from the car with arm loads of paper bags that are now ripping at the handles?). they put the milk in a plastic bag.

why do organic, patchouli loving, granola munching retailers give me black and white? you either love the earth, our mother, or you go home at night, spray aerosol and roll around in several pounds of styrofoam.

(i don't recycle either).

6 comments:

Linda said...

Go forth and project your guilt no more. Paper is actually just as bad as plastic. You know it comes from cutting down trees.

But not recycling? Why is it you don't love your mother? Did she do something to you when you were a child which is so unforgivable?

Melinder said...

Well, there is always the option to purchase an ox and place all your purchases on its back and then escort it home....no trees are cut down and plastic does not pile up. But, I am thinking an ox drops a load the size of Rhode Island a few times a day. Ugh,

disa said...

or you could recycle as a shit catching bag to hang off hte back of the ox.

my mother loves me tooooooooooo much, that is the problem. this is the burden i now carry and inflict on everyone else....

Happily Even After said...

Not recycle?!?!? I now have a twitch in my right eye and my left leg is spasming. But oh right, you don't live in Seattle where we recycle just about ANYTHING, including the plate scrapings from our gourmet (vegetarian) dinners and the wrappers from our McCrap Meals. Here's my suggestion: stop shopping at Whole Foods (too expensive and their cereal tastes like cardboard), and start recycling. Things'll even out that way. Plus, sorting things into pretty colored containers is great anxiety management.

Fickle Revokes said...

plastic is the clear choice as the dog owner (perfect re-use of the bag is as the dogshit disposal unit when on the twice/thrice daily shit/walk). I may, in fact, ask to double and triple bag my groceries in order to accumulate more and more; my excuse at the checkout: "the things are always too flimsy".

linda said...

Saving the ox shit is a good idea. I think you could use it as fire starter like dried cow shit. Save on energy bills too!