Sunday, July 22, 2007

it's all about me (?)

theory versus practice; i fall more comfortably on the side of language over comitting to an action. i have invested significant sums of money in books that teach me how to play football (yeah, yeah, "soccer" to you yanks, those who know me shouldn't need a translation by now), open up my chakras, and run marathons.

in theory, i like the idea of undivided attention. in practice, any group over two people focused in my direction (usually at the exact moment i have a bitten down fingernail up my nose) takes me to my not so happy place. in the last few days i have put myself in situations that invited attention; my 'pseudo bridal status' at the wedding expo expedition had strangers gushing, asking personal questions, and imposing their opinions and tastes, to the aggressive levels of the sales people that chase me around the GAP asking if they can get a changing room "started" for me. an impromptu and heartfelt birthday speech about the wonder that is me, was impossible to listen to, or revel in the details of my fabulousness because i was too busy being mortified that other people were witness to it too.

i admit that i enjoy recognition, positive strokes, and feed off the external validation as much as the next person. but could you maybe send me an email and just cc it to everyone else?


total-spender said...

You write a blog: it has to be about you !

(please make your pictures bigger!)

disa said...

therein lies my quandary. i want the attention, i seek the attention, but when i get it, i dont like it/know what to do with it, if its a certain KIND of attention. it all sounds very female. it is. i have no idea how to make the pictures bigger, i barely figured out how to move them from one place to the next. and smaller pictures that you cant really see make me look better (bwah ha ha ha!)

total-spender said...

I've seen you on facebook (don't worry, you look fine).

Melinder said...

When you upload the photo....check the size (thumbnail)...should be a way to adjust it...or if you remind me...I will figure it out FOR YOU! Not me...but YOU! Although I like that picture of is very funny.

Linda said...

Actually, you could write your blog about something, or someone else. Many people do.

It's just that I would miss the you'ness. Accepting the praise and attention you deserve is part of the cognitive programing group. It takes time and sustained POSITIVE attention. Just grin and bare(yea it requires showing yourself) it.

disa said...

i do write about things other than myself though. i write about my OPINIONS about things other than myself ;)