Saturday, June 30, 2007

overkill

it would seem (according to the designers of useful every day objects) that people are becoming more and more incapable of performing the most basic of functions. i was standing in the queue at meijers today (24 hour hypermarket, with round the clock booze, food, garden hoses, and guinea pigs), looking for some interesting people to watch. fortunately i did not have to look further than the woman in front of me. she was sporting some nice ramen noodle hair, and an 'eric clapton; the live tour of 1998' t-shirt, which incidentally was as bleached out and thin as her hair. when i tired of making pictures out of her varicose veins (who needs to keep bike shorts, just for riding bikes anyway?) i scanned the last minute teasers and tests of the impulse impoverished; chapstick, chocolate, dog biscuits (?) and vibrating razers (for women only) battery included. with the choices of gentle angle, rubber grip etc, etc, the goal is obviously not to draw blood. a vibrating blade of sharp metal on the thin and (apparently very) delicate surface of my skin just sounds like a really bad idea.

i look forward to the day i can wipe my bum with vibrating sheets of scented toilet paper, perhaps an additional scent squirting feature for an extra 50 cents?

1 comment:

total-spender said...

If they do invent said toilet paper it'll most probably be too late (I'll be wearing incontinence pants by then).