Saturday, June 30, 2007


it would seem (according to the designers of useful every day objects) that people are becoming more and more incapable of performing the most basic of functions. i was standing in the queue at meijers today (24 hour hypermarket, with round the clock booze, food, garden hoses, and guinea pigs), looking for some interesting people to watch. fortunately i did not have to look further than the woman in front of me. she was sporting some nice ramen noodle hair, and an 'eric clapton; the live tour of 1998' t-shirt, which incidentally was as bleached out and thin as her hair. when i tired of making pictures out of her varicose veins (who needs to keep bike shorts, just for riding bikes anyway?) i scanned the last minute teasers and tests of the impulse impoverished; chapstick, chocolate, dog biscuits (?) and vibrating razers (for women only) battery included. with the choices of gentle angle, rubber grip etc, etc, the goal is obviously not to draw blood. a vibrating blade of sharp metal on the thin and (apparently very) delicate surface of my skin just sounds like a really bad idea.

i look forward to the day i can wipe my bum with vibrating sheets of scented toilet paper, perhaps an additional scent squirting feature for an extra 50 cents?

1 comment:

total-spender said...

If they do invent said toilet paper it'll most probably be too late (I'll be wearing incontinence pants by then).