Monday, April 2, 2007

dipping a toe in

i have a confession: i went to church. i am sort of embaressed to admit this given the years of organized religion bashing i have engaged in. i have been the perpetual resistant and defiant adolescent. it's true what "they" say, it isn't until you are so down and desperate that you start fishing around for something. admitting helplessness and lack of control over anything is not generally my forte, but it is at this point when an open mind can be brought to the table (although i used to think this was a vulnerable state for potential brainwashing).

i heard a lot about forgiveness yesterday, giving and receiving, again not a comfortable or natural state to submerge and swim around in. i am a chronic toe dipper; the people who i trust that are already in the pool can entreat me with "come on in, the water's great" til the cows come home, and it's not that i don't trust them, i just know myself. i will stay in the pool until my toes are wrinkled and pruney if i can just ease my way in metartarsal by metatarsal.

that said, i do like going to the pool with someone who does big, splashy bombs into the water.

1 comment:

Melindeeer said...

Are you really afraid to jump in or afraid that you will not be able to get out of the pool? Swimming and drowning are two different pots....but what do I know?