Wednesday, April 25, 2007

31 flavours of job

i am running out of "interview wear". i have talked about my strengths, weaknesses, inside leg measurement, and goals for the future; to sit on my laurels on a porch sipping peach tea, reading a book, while a yellow lab named homer (the iliad and the odyssey, not simpson) and/or small blonde child (also mine) will be tripping over each other, gnawing on pieces of furniture. thank god the temperature has increased and i can now utilize my "summer interview" collection.

i have applied for everything from the 'single scoop chocolate chip in a cup' (social worker at nursing home) to the 'pistachio orange sherbert milkshake' (on call every other weekend, drive all over bluegrass country, triage kids into hospital case manager position). i am in search of the chocolate fudge brownie with hot fudge sauce and whipped cream (no cherries). i think this may in fact be the private contract job ($60 an hour baby! finally all that bloody school will pay off). this was the interview where my interviewer swore like a sailor (it was in relation to paperwork). i have done interviews in my pyjamas (a phone interview), run the gauntlet of a panel of middle aged suits machine gun firing questions at me. i am ready to make a choice, of course i need to be offered something to choose from first (nothing with strawberry or marshmallow fluff).

tomorrow i interview with "mr personality"; he said he would hire me just based on my name. this position requires i be present from 5am to 1pm, the chemically dependent population are notorious for sleeping their days away, unfortunately my days of doing the same are now numbered. if i do in fact secure this job solely because my name has more consonants and syllables than a small welsh town, this will be the first and last time the director will see me wearing makeup and flat ironed hair. i may even start wearing pyjamas to work.


Maggie said...

I want to eat some ice cream now.

Ipsofacto said...

"i may even start wearing pyjamas to work."

Having just re-read your potential hours (twice), I think that sleeping at work may prove to be a more successful time-keeping strategy.

Anonymous said...

5am to 1pm is cool. the milk man used to do his rounds at that time dropping off a pinta here a pinta there but now I believe its phone cards/dvds/and an assortment of other bric a brac.. as they say someone has to do it so...get out there at sparrows f@rt and do that thing