i am more hirsute with my clothes on than off (and other gifts that come with canine cohabitation)

the 'barmy dog lady with no kids of her own' transformation is almost complete- minus the stuffed corpse of little buddy/bucky/bradie, circa. 1984 in repose, underfoot.



while there aren't swings, slides and merry-go-rounds to punt the poodles off of at the dog park, there is an endless supply of poo, mud pits, and bum holes to stimulate each sensory function. because dog owners ultimately share the same side of the crazy coin as their oft ridiculed feline fanatic cousins, which goes beyond playing dress up and naming them "napoleon" or "cappuccino". let's take "oxymoron" who is brought to the park for the requisite exercise and socialization, but then immediately admonished for acquiring a thick saliva/dirt crust as a result of engaging in aforementioned activities. last time i tried tiring myself out with something as taxing as running, it did in fact require a more significant form of ablutions than simply licking my feet clean. apparently it is more arduous to hose off a dog than it is to redecorate the living room.

admittedly the last thing anyone wants is notoriety for being responsible for "The Problem Pooch", however public displays of mounting, nipping and bodyslamming will guarantee immediate titleship. axel is two for three.



we sleep in a pile every night, and while the sheets smell of fabric softener, they are also coated in a fine sheen of drool.

how to clean a room faster than mary poppins

it is a common fact, that when they are not napping, crapping or sleeping, domesticated animals spend their remaining hours creating drool puddles on the pillow, slobber smears everywhere else, and piles of body hair in assorted crannies of the living space.



an applied metanalysis into the everyday, dull task of housework, not to mention basic consequence and behaviour theories, is that those who create are also the ones to elutriate. johnson and johnson, proctor and gamble, and swiffer brand would be better served throwing their research bucks at the dog breeders. chore day would then be every day if axel's salivary glands produced windex or lemon scented pledge. those overpriced plug-ins are now obsolete if your pooch can fart a spring meadow. and cleaning the carpet is a cinch; just skip the next anal gland squeezing at the groomer's and let your little moppet do the butt scoot with their shampoo secreting organs.

axel eats small children for breakfast

pineland farms is a former sanatorium that was recently converted into a year round playground for all the things anyone worth their north face collection could ever hope to do on a trail. this weekend includes races of varying distance that can be done barefoot, wheel barrow style, as a 3-legged event, and even with your very own four-legged friend. because more so than those crazy 'cat people', the dog owner will go to great lengths to anthropomorphize their pooch, forking out $30 for a chance to run with their pal (and a technical race t-shirt) in a 5k "canicross".



typically race regulations set limits on the use of mp3's, placement of bib number, and tripping your fellow competitors in the start corral. in canicross, disqualification occurs if you do not pick up after your dog (this may have more to do with the fact that the barefoot 5k's start time was after), and so it is entirely realistic that runner's will have to make a pit stop and then transport a little sack of steamers across the finish line as well.



unfortunately, axel was beaten by a girl, and a small yappie one at that.



overall, he enjoyed the scenic course, appreciated the placement of aide stations, and has even committed to registering again next year- although he wants a race number too.



i think that this may be due, in large part, to the unlimited and free beer available to all runners.