Sunday, November 15, 2009

share the trail

the only thing separating maine from kentucky are rebel flags, phonetic stress put on the letter "r", and about 3 feet of snow.

rednecks are heavily camouflaged up here; subarus, ski poles and a kilo's worth of expensive puffy jackets make them hard to spot, especially as the breed native to the northeast never actually develops a mullet.

in the southeast, sharing single track with equestrians is tedious and riddled with rather large and fibrous turds, but far worse than ticks, rattlers and mountain lions- even bubba on an ATV- are the fact that maine's trails are on 'guns and ammo lock down' august through november, showcasing a different weapon of the month. november is the crossbow.

in maine, a home owner must post signs on their property stating that they have had endless meetings with the bank, some lawyers and a plethora of annoying real estate people for the privilege of having hundreds of thousands of dollars withdrawn from their checking accounts every year. should the happily mortgaged choose not to nail garish plastic message boards at the perimeter of their property, then it is within the jurisdiction of any redneck worth his blood alcohol level to take a fire arm onto said property and shoot at will in the direction of anything deemed worthy of sharing that evening's dinner plate with some mashed potatoes and A1 sauce.

No comments: