Wednesday, May 13, 2009

castration is not the new valium

my obsession with capturing axel in a still, being still, is to feed my own denial that perhaps he could be an eddie bauer catalogue pooch.

after he chewed the plug off the george foreman grill, desecrated the coffee maker, consumed half a container of gatorade powder mix, helped himself to a chocolate-is-toxic-for-dogs-chip-cookie, severed two leashes within the space of an afternoon, and appears to have acquired a taste for merlot, the decision was made for him to part ways with his parts.

the people who tell you that neutering will "take the edge off", are the same deceivers who keep adding an extra eight months to how long the puppy stage lasts. this dog is indestructible-- and has fewer pain receptors than plankton.

post-op, i went to collect my fresh little eunuch, and appear to have become the local, dog owning hester prynne. "you must be here to pick up axel/have you considered obediance classes/a special leash/a synthetic bone/the benefits of a private tutorial with an animal behaviour specialist/you know labs need lots of exercise [women who wear scrubs 8 hours a day, 5 days a week could benefit from exercising a lab]/ever since that marley movie came out we've seen all these nesting couples/starter families take on more than they can handle". apparently axel is being raised lord of the flies style.

i tend to think it's a little more walt disney than william golding.

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