Tuesday, April 14, 2009

i want my mummy!

listening to an adult woman wax histrionic about how her mother is the prototype human vending machine, dispensing travel sized packets of guilt and criticism, is about as compelling as her equally toxic relationship with cramps and chocolate. ragging on your mum is soooo last season; maternal blame is no longer the new black.

and so mine came to visit for three weeks- try telling that to aforementioned adult woman and prepare to dodge the anecdotal barrage of 'ended in tears' shopping trips, 'silent treatment' holidays, and 'another year of disappointment' birthdays, all marinating in a balsamic reduction of adolescent resentment-- it should be noted that efforts to out-exaggerate girlfriends on who has the most dysfunctional relationship can earn additional points.

we shared a car wreck (not my fault), take-out lobster (twice), copious amounts of alcohol (to numb the consecutive fibre glass wounds from cleaning the attic/deluge in the basement), puppy self-defense techniques, navigating the downtown area with "bostonians are worse than saudi drivers and hoosiers", anesthesia and extracted molars, and a futile power struggle for the remote to watch/avoid 'dancing on ice with your starry idol'.

after years of practice making a building feel like home, once again she has left a ripple. that, a freshly shop vacced basement, and an origami installation of bath towels to bring an entire army of housekeepers to their knees.


JAWZ3 said...

Well You did well and just as well that pater didnt come as well

mansuetude said...

hey i learned to drive in Bean town! Stop pickin on me! i sensitive.

you can't complain about your mother, you inherit her good looks! You owe her big time; and your writing is starting to flame!

take out lobster... that is so funny. (taken out of the sea no doubt too)!

Disa said...

if you cut your teeth and can drive boston, then (like it's famous run), you can do it anywhere! both she, and the GPS, were very patient with my sweating, clenched palms- those tunnels are the worst- it's like people head underground and suddenly it's wacky racers.

mansuetude said...

i lived there
and my heart loves driving there!

i have a friend from Paris there who will NOt enter any tunnel--she can't... or will faint or something... we joke its a birth canal trauma... something to go with a mother post.

mansuetude said...

the marathon is monday!
are you ???

Disa said...

birth canal trauma- love it! i am nowhere NEAR fast enough to qualify for, let alone run boston :) i will be plodding along on two legs and two wheels at various other events this summer though.