Friday, August 8, 2008

fishies for the little piggies

fish pedicures (not scaley creatures with feet, but creatures with scaley feet) appear to be doing the rounds on the breakfast tv circuit-- although they were only recently brought to my attention via the regis/kelly-lee/barbara-ann-free lunch table forum. having someone i do (or don't) know, grope my in-step for 45 minutes, followed by rigorous grating and harvesting of the parmesan maturing on my heels, is even less appealing than having daily pelvic exams performed by the teletubby-phobic evangelist, jerry falwell. now you can fork out $50 for a lukewarm tub filled with tiny carp, to nibble (and tickle) on the dead and crusty bits of your feet. i personally, can't imagine being denied the satisfaction of feeling like i had just won a prize for picking off the biggest chunk of gnarly skin- or at least something that resembled a map of italy.

this obviously begs the question; what next? perhaps there will eventually be a daily special, where your salon will throw in a few tablespoons of termites in order to rid you of those stubborn, ingrown toenails. leeches are obviously, already used for medical procedures, but boa contrictors could be applied to the abdomen to deal with bloating and constipation. perhaps an octopus to the thigh in order to banish persistent cellulite? or even, addressing the girl mustache/excessive nostril hair/overgrown bikini line/stubborn mole hair issue, through strategic placement of the household pet phylum (rabbit, guinea pig, hamster).

1 comment:

mansuetude said...

U R so funny.

I prefer to think alzheimers is an issue with mating carpenter ants that have crawled into an ear hole...nobody believes me.