Tuesday, April 15, 2008

pubic wigs

i have inherited my father's penchant for perseverating on a particular word for an indeterminate period of time (sometimes years). it is always a noun, and generally not something that pops up in the GRE, or middle school spelling bees for that matter.

merkin (no, not something the muppet's swedish chef might say); false hair for the female pudenda. use in a sentence; "my merkin is becoming a little crusty and needs laundering".

merkins were originally worn by prostitutes in the 1600's, and because pubic lice predated pfizer and eli lilly, shaving one's nether regions was the primary course of "treatment". obviously brazillians had not gained in popularity during this period of "feminine" design history.

this brings up many questions (for me at any rate). does one go to the beautician to have a merkin waxed, just to feel "normal"? what adhesive is appropriate to ensure a long lasting hold for even the most robust and lengthy of couplings; eyelash glue, superglue, denture glue, or epoxy? is there a special line of shampoo products to clean and condition your merkin, and if so, how often should this be done? is it like your grandma's silver (once a year), or as frequently as dentists reccomend you actually floss? do they come in different sizes? mattell could have tried a little harder to make barbie more realistic with the addition of a mini merkin. and if you donate your own personal "hair" to merkin manufacturers, can it be included as part of a charitable tax write off? perhaps even be used to celebrate and recognize a loved one- sort of like naming a star after them, or engraving a brick in their honour.

on-line investigation (home, not work computer) yielded pages of specialty designed and themed merkins; hearts, smiley faces, or for those wanting to pubic-ly (as long as it's not publicly) display their loyalty to her royal highness; a union jack.

use in (another) sentence: "it's only a couple of dirty dishes sweetie, don't get your merkin in a twist".

7 comments:

Not Goth said...

No big surprise that they are big at "Burning Man".


I totally want a union jack merkin.

mansuetude said...

smiles over here in sunligh with coffee.

a. do i really want to have this word knocking about in my head all day?

b. did i HAVE to google it??? oooff

c. perhaps we should start wearing them Outside our pants, shorts, skirts, --as feminist punning gestures?

your dad be great.

Disa said...

the scottish actually DO weat their "merkins" on the outside of their kilts!

Meliner said...

Um, like any great fashion trend, Kentucky is always a little bit behind, so is this going to be the HOT look at the state fair? If so, then I MUST bring the camera.

mansuetude said...

i'm ordering one right now!!! :0

Disa said...

ooh, regional and state merkins...the kentucky line could be a mullet merkin. nevada could have sequins and twinkly xmas tree lights woven into it...

mansuetude said...

ooohhh ... you made me laugh my coffee all over mine... hot hot hot!