Friday, September 21, 2007

pms is my pot hole

"pot holes" are the achilles heel of the psyche. they tend to be activated by the environment and fueled by emotions. go that? i detest whiny, needy people. i detest my own whiny, needy person. thus spake my pot hole. i own my pot hole.

forget about playing volleyball in a white string bikini, rollerblading with fluffy, cavorting labradors, or carrying baskets full of strawberries and fresh sunflowers from the farmer's market; those women are on prozac, not the rag. i would personally like to see a return to women being "quarantined" from all social interaction for the week, until they can reorganize their egos.

as anyone in posession of a uterus can tell you, the monthly perceptions are persecutory first and foremost. where an absence of calls or texts are not attributed to misplaced phones, silent settings, or a busy schedule. it's "personal", it's rejection, and it's about ME. stereotypes and cliches are now borne; "i don't want you to do it because i told you i wanted you to do it, i wanted you to do it because YOU wanted to" (swap out the verbs for many other commonly used variations). "i shouldn't/don't want to/don't like to have to tell you" (this would be the the internal monologue). and yes, we do keep a tally of grievances. this is the delight who you're married to/dating/avoiding/shagging/taking out epo's on.

typically, patience is my baseline (typically). however, this past week i have had pee sprayed in my face, changed the ultimate nuclear waste of a nappy, been snotted on, spat upon, and had parts of my skin sliced and singed. therefore, a busy morning at work + a short drive to the bakery to get some much needed "comfort carbs" + roadworks that made no sense = tear ducts at maximum leakage. this is not how a stubborn, strong, and independent (hear me roar, organize, itemize, and multi-task) female responds- at any other time. "other" times, you yell and swear at the roadworks/builders/traffic police (with windows rolled up, of course).

it may be time for kotex and ben & jerry's, to collaborate with old navy and put together the "menstrual variety pack"; a pint of chunky monkey, a box of super absorbency "hygiene products", flannel drawstring pj's, and 7 pairs of black granny knickers. and yes, i did make a run to walgreens for a gallon of edy's; i like my sugar refined.


Melinder said...

Oh the Eddy's vanilla with Hershey's syrup gets me through! OMG, what would I do without it? (Well I might be thinner!) I have never purchased it at Walgreens though...I usually try not to purchase PMS food where I also purchase my birth control! But that is a thought!

maggie said...

I am a walking ongoing symptomology of PMS. I have been diagnosed w/ the DSM-IV version of it. There is no cure for this viscious enemy. I long for the period to come. I long to feel the rush of emotions, anger, confusion, paranoia, crying fits, the why-didn't-he-call-me yet syndrome to come pouring out of my body. I feel a huge weight come off of me....well maybe that is the poo. Either's least for today and that will pass too!!