Monday, August 13, 2007

roll over! roll over!

the quandary of how to choose sides that don't involve the house salad, a corn muffin or baked potato appears to be rather arbitrary. this is turf war; bed and box spring style, where size mattereth not. it is less about the real estate and more about location, location, location.

my research question was specific to the post coital, nocturnal layout, or who slept on which side of the bed. the sample group comprised of a married couple, co-habitters living in sin, and a newly single co-habitter. additional information was collected regarding the nature of disputed land and who really won the coveted spot "nearest to the toilet".

the findings were fairly broad and motivated by both physical and emotional extremes. the token husband reported that his wife insists he sleep nearest to the door. the assumption being that if an intruder were to break in, he would provide a "human shield" and absorb any potential stabbings. interesting rationale.

late night bedtime butchering aside, territories are typically argued over based on their proximity to, and ground clearance for, the inevitable bladder run. i personally tend to be compulsion driven, and have historically "slept on the left", whether it's at the holiday inn, in a tent, or a bunk bed (for the record, i sleep on the top, in case there is a fire i will have more of a chance). however, due to changing floor plans over the years, i have since been out-voted by other's incontinence. revenge is mine though. any of my unscheduled nightime toilet visits usually involves scaling a snoring, farting, heaped hurdle ("ooh sorry, did i wake you?") to get to the other side. of course if my nocturnal eneruresis becomes too much of a problem i can always invest in some night time pull ups.

6 comments:

Melinder said...

Well I find it interesting that one wife is willing to sacrifice her husband in a stabbing...hmmmm. Personally...once I am asleep... I am ASLEEP...no midnight bladder runs so I normally sleep on the side they don't want...WAIT! That's kinda a CODIE thing...isn't it...darn it!

Linda said...

I think actually sleeping on the top decreases your chances. You probably wouldn't survive the smoke inhalation.

I can't think which side I sleep on because my dyslexia is confusing which side is which. Is it when you are facing the bed looking at it, or lying in it?

Anonymous said...

I have to sleep facing away from the wall--if a wall is close by of course :-). I like to have plenty of room to stumble around in the dark when I have my (several?) trips to bathroom. Poor Mr. D...

Jim

disa said...

i was thinking the side as related to standing at the end of the bed looking at it. mattress dyslexia...could go so many ways with that. speaking of codie bed partners i think there have been occasions where the concern is not to hog too much real estate- i got over that really fast! now im like a goldfish, whatever the size i spread out to use up all space.

linda said...

OK then when Rusty and I started out I slept on the left side (facing from the foot). When we moved this switched. I don't really know why it was one way of the other. Although when we camp we switch sides sometimes just for variety.

We make conscious efforts not to get into too much of a routine, including in bed :D Luckily too this goldfishes husband doesn't mind it when I sleep on top of him.

disa said...

i think youre getting into whole new territories that anaylze HOW you sleep together. i prefer the "dont constrict my movement, or get in my space unless my feet are cold and then i expect you to sacrifice any, and all, in order to warm my toes."