Monday, July 30, 2007

the moral of the story...

a proper "true story" is always an unbelievable one. the stuff of 'made for TV movies'. of course the super embaressing true stories are better when they are "other people's".

sex toys. thanks to sarah jessica parker and her cohorts at HBO, acquiring sex toys is now as mundane as purchasing the latest 'vanilla-tangerine-cracked pepper' shower gel from bath and bodyworks. for women.

men, on the other hand, have a somewhat disproportionate supply/demand statistic to contend with. i attribute this, not only to ergonomics, but also the ease, economy, and access of their associated 'pleasure paraphernalia'; family pack boxes of tissues and industrial sized jars of vaseline. i was recently alerted to the price discrepancy across the toy/gender gap, where a woman can get herself nicely "outfitted" between $20 to $100 depending on what kind of upgrade, attachments, and features are needed. a "starter model" for the dudes, begins at $140.

cut to: "martha stewart gone wild". the shameless, but creative and thrifty contributor to the theme of this blog, set himself the challenge of replicating a home made version (no hot glue guns were involved). apparently the 'activities & recreation' aisle at target yielded a gel bike seat ($11 on clearance) for the closest, textural match, if not in aesthetics, certainly in kinesthetics. alterations and improvements were made for access purposes, and "do-it-yourself" took on a whole new meaning.

unfortunately his friend bought her new kitten over to visit. apparently the bike seat/toy was hidden under the bed. kitty found it. kitty's owner found kitty tearing into it.

i was given permission to re-tell this story (before i even asked).

10 comments:

kicker of elves said...

…and some just simplify matters and avoid the above detailed embarrassing scenario by employing the cat AS the toy (some folks opt for dog/parrot/boa constrictor etc. - to each one's own.)

kicker of elves said...

…also, was the permission granted you to publish this story gotten from Paul Harvey or his syndicates?

total-spender said...

Can you post a picture of the offending item?

disa said...

i believe it was tossed out when he got a real live model (more expensive than the artificial), of course she has since been tossed out too, so he may be making another trip to the bike shop for "materials".

Melinder said...

I am not sure I can ever look at my bike seat the same, except it is a hard seat like a more grizzled model. Maybe he will be using that later.

Linda said...

What's all this talk of sex toys. Are you horny?

disa said...

no (i think youre projecting). it's just a good story. i like telling stories. it's bibliotherapy.

and i still cant bloody access you blog by clicking on the link!!

total-spender said...

@Linda

Trust me: she's horny.

disa said...

am not! you are "totally projecting" :p

Ipsofacto said...

"Reaction Formation', 'Denial'.