Friday, July 6, 2007

ex and the city

in a week that has been nothing but full-on drama, pounding in wave after relentless wave of hurt feelings and unmitigated hysteria, it was inevitable that an exclamation point would punctuate friday's grand finale, as evidenced by the manic texting, furtive phone calls, and not so subtle hiding behind trees and other random strangers.

louisville has an art gallery trolley hop once a month, where the streets empty out of smelly homeless schizophrenics with 40 oz's and are replaced with french manicured young professionals clutching designer purses and plastic cups of free boxed wine, all while standing at the corner of market street looking like flocks of starbucks courtesans. (i was there too).

my accomplice du jour (would that be a 'wingwoman'?) was "the gap girl". under the dictionary definition of "she who has her shit together" you will find this girl's name. sometimes i like to spend time with her in the hopes that some of the "shit togetherness" will rub off on me- i am obviously still waiting (or not putting in enough hours). "gap girl" confirmed that she too had been feeling the secondary effects of a full moon, having spent the week fending off an amorous ex who had resurfaced. upon arrival at the cross-section of "hip" and "trendy" i made "i know you, but i cant quite place you" eye contact with 'creepy, older, hippy dude', until i realized this was my housesitting friend's former paramour of 7 years, who in true soap opera coincidence was meeting us with her new hubby momentarily ('heads up' calls placed: 1). we proceeded a couple of galleries down the street when i saw a former grad school classmate's ex (fortunately she is now living in seattle), with what appeared to be his new boyfriend in tow (this confirmed previous suspicions, especially given he lives in "the big pink house").

'heads up' calls received: 1. another friend, let's call her "old navy girl" (mostly has shit together, but not enough to make me panic), had also been dealing with "ex stress" this past week and needed to purge, unfortunately mid purge, "random stranger with poor boundaries and depleted social skills" felt the need to interrupt my conversation to fire a monologue of oh-so-ho-ho-ho-original british nouns at me; "bloke", "tea and crumpets", "the queen", "cucumber sandwiches", and "the beatles" (what, no monty python?). he was issued with an equally british "bugger off" and i resumed my phone call. meanwhile, "gap girl" had been cornered by a different ex's SUPER BUBBLY/FRIENDLY/UNMEDICATED new girlfriend (oh hell, she's 24, she's supposed to sound like a care bear on crack), who would not shut up; "my father is on drugs", or go away; "i just HAD to come over and say hi to the pretty girl".

yes; i will be going to next month's episode, er, trolley hop.


total-spender said...


Never a dull day in your part of the world!

As regards the British "Bugger off" then most of us Brits would be somewhat more direct (i.e., F#@$ off!)

disa said...

aaah, but im a "classy" brit, hence bugger ('piss' in a pinch)

JawZ3 said...

(i.e., F#@$ off!)
you mean 'eff off?
JawZ thalatha (ex 'sea going' Brit)

total-spender said...

Yeah, it has to be the F word. Indeed, for us Londoners telling someone to F off is almost a term of endearment !!

disa said...

depends on WHICH part of london youre from. do you put tea in your milk first or last? that is the litmus test of Total Class

Jaws the IIIrd said...

the (su)spenders is killing me which part of yer akchell Landon?

total-spender said...

I'm from Hackney, East London.

(It should be noted that I should of said "I'm from F'ing Hackney, East F'ing London!)

Gap Girl said...

Ugh! Well, at least it WAS an interesting night! Who knows what drama we'll run into next month! Until then, ex's and ex's new girlfriends...please keep away from me! I'm just trying to drink some free wine and look at some art!