no man is an island: "the office"

as with neighbours, siblings and parents, you cannot escape co-workers. if you want to be able to pay your mortgage, cell phone bill, or outstanding tab at thoroughbred lounges I through V (a local chain of southend louisville strip clubs) then they become part of the daily vocational gauntlet.

workmates generally comprise a cluedo (US trans: "clue") cast of characters. professor plum is typified in the paternal and somewhat aged hippie colleague, generally owning a sweater collection that rivals mr rogers' and a sense of humour that combines large quantities of cheese with that of an 8 year old schoolboy. miss scarlett is characterized by the the office slut bag; the one who is bar/bed hopping, and her sentences over utilize "i" statements. colonel mustard is usually located somewhere in upper management and likes to crunch numbers and send emails about productivity. he will create hours of power point presentations to demonstrate the implementation of new policies and procedures that will yield increased performance improvement and customer satisfaction to bore you silly at quarterly review meetings. finally, there is an unspoken magnetic pull that draws the mrs peacock's to come and fuss over the state of your cold/love life, or just tell you about her varicose vein related problems.

i can generally be found; in the break room, with miss scarlett, smiling and nodding about the intricacies of her latest paramour, while imagining a candlestick piercing through her carotid.



* these are based on true stories and real people.
** i am not miss scarlett.
*** well, maybe mrs peacock.