Thursday, February 22, 2007

whats in a name?

i don't like the idea of not having my last name, no, i have not decided to emulate cheesy pop stars. my last name is cool. it's very obviously polish, well very obviously something. my mother christened me hjordys in case i were to marry someone with a boring last name when i "grew up". my brother's name is james. should i ever get to the point that i will be responsible for naming one of my own progeny i also want something to reflect their background, where they came from, it's not about "i had to suffer though it, now it's your turn". i don't want them to go to school and be "mary t.", or john r.", identified by their last initial. by the same token i won't be looking in the produce section at the supermarket, or in college guidebooks for inspiration.

i was resentful of my sister-in-law when she married my bro because she did nothing to earn her new name except wear a dress and sign a piece of paper. i had to learn to spell that bloody thing and listen to people butcher it all through school, make me sound like an STD, or just plain make fun of me. i feel like i've "earned" my name, and yet i'm supposed to give it up for one that has no meaning to me, does not reflect my heritage or even provide a lead-in to conversations at cocktail hour. perhaps it really comes back to the universal counter-desire to want to be seen as "different" and unique", just like everyone else. i like both names, i know they're such a bloody mouthful, but i've become attached to them; sort of like a trauma bond.

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