showers

a shiny slip of paper was thrust into my hand at work today by one of the mental health counselors. as someone who has a healthy appetite i was excited at the prospect of free or discounted coffee, burritos or pizza. proud papa then informed me of the imminent arrival of his first son; i was invited to the shower. the piece of paper was not an official invitation with cutesy blue ducks wearing bootees, but an advertisement for the shop they were registered at. i have been an employee at this facility for just over 2 weeks, and became acquainted with this particular individual when he facilitated the 'how to throw down acting out psychotic patients' training last week.

i have a hard enough time going to these functions in my personal life, so the thought of a father-to-be co-ordinating any kind of shower that hasn't involved rugby or bmx dirt bikes prior to it is a little more than i can get my brain around. experience has taught me in this new wave of "couples showers" that the guys usually run screaming, clawing at their faces when it comes to participating in these oestrogen-fests. i have even tried using free food as bait, but he knew that 'crudites' and 'canapes' meant a whole lot of nothing- i would have to agree. when it was my turn to "hostess" a baby event we served guacamole out of diapers, decorated the place with sharp knives and chain saws, and had a baby pinata for the games and entertainment portion of the evening. oddly enough, no one had to "leave early to meet the parents who had just driven into town all the way from des moines".

wedding showers, baby showers, birthday parties, graduation parties, leaving parties; i have participated and even "committeed" on a number of these at my places of work. some of these individuals i have known and snuck out for mid afternoon mocha freezes with, others i did not. and yet i am still "encouraged" to chip in for gifts, buy christmas wrapping paper with disney characters running around all over it, donate money to send a senior choir somewhere more exotic than i get to go, or am bullied into sponsoring bowling for charity. i am a team player, i will go to his baby shower. he is going to be a parent, and he did teach me how to put cuff restraints on myself and attach myself to a gurney. the thought of my own potential procreation is enough for me to have to take a time-out in seclusion.