annoyances pt. 4

jewelry: necklace, bracelet, ring, earings...ok; the ornamental purist. tongue ring, eyebrow ring, 8 studs up and down your ears like lights on a runway landing strip...uhm? why does every accessory, which in itself is form before function and therefore falls under the category of decorative, now have jewelry that accessorizes with it (no question mark, this is rhetorical). for the non-fashionistas, the blind, the oblivious, and the dudes (not the metrosexuals), listen up: you can embellish your purse, ipod, cellphone, shoes, hat, glasses, and sunglasses with the equivalent of christmas tree trimmings to "enhance" it. no longer is nail polish solid pink or red (i can even tolerate orange, blue and green), now you can "mix it up" with diamante on your french pedicure, or go for palm trees, rainbows and unicorns to adorn the little piggies. not to get all victor meldrew (bbc tv "one foot in the grave" character), but when did less not become more? granted i came from the generation of shoulder pads the size of muffin pans, plastic shoes/earings/bracelets/bags, but considering jewelry is now available for pooches, kitties and even your potted plant, where will the madness end? i envision gaudy baubles hanging from wing mirrors (college flags are so "red"), sparkly dingly danglies attached to your hoover to "brighten up" the weekly vacuum, or maybe something shiny on your toilet paper to make bum wiping look like you've been zapped by tinkerbell.