i'm not dyslexic, i'm just a crap typer

in much the same way that i was not designed to iron clothes, cook 4 course meals with lots of demi glaces's, and blanche hand grown vegetables, i was never destined to be a secretary, support person, administrative assisstant or any other port wine reduction of an office wench that has a 'words per minute accuracy' requirement. not to bang on about it again, but i'm completely crap at multi tasking, cannot operate a phone to transfer a call to save my life, and i frankly do not see the point in spending my time (and money) commuting to the drycleaners to collect my overpriced blouses and pencil skirts from express or the limited (when i could be productively wasting it in a variety of other ways), to be the gateway (bimbo) face of a company. the accent should be enough.

i have been asked (aggressively confronted) on why it is that i am able to type a narcissistic narrative to anyone in blog format, but am incapable of composing an email, that appears to have been written by an illiterate eastern bloc native, to friends and family. have you people not received that forwarded harvard study on mistyped words, where the first and last letters are the key components in receptive language comprehension?

admittedly my brain is operating at jeff gordon or dale earnhart warp speeds, while my fingers are functioning consistent to nancy reagan's perplexing tempo at the plastic surgeon's office. i find it quite unfair to have had emails returned with demands of spell check before a response (dad) is issued. ultimately these nitpickers should not be complaining, because the fact is; im a bloody good pen pal- consistent, with lots of interesting information- like the bbc world service news. only juicier.

teh edn.

i like big words and i cannot lie

ok, so showing off and trying to use them in scrabble doesnt always secure as many points as a one syllable possessive noun, but there is something about impractical GRE words that replicate a viagra-like sensation of "i am incredible, hear me enunciate".

use in a sentence:
axl rose would not be considered a pulchritudinous specimen (although he is "hot" in a 'trailer park, still has all his teeth' way). however his hair is so refulgent that he would be a good spokesman for the 'long, loud and oh so happy shower' hair care products.

unfortunately there isnt a 5 syllable synonym for full of shit at thesaurus.com, but you may find a chronic blogger listed at dictionary.com

writer's blog

a friend, and occasional subscriber to my written neuroses, asked me how i identified subjects to blog about. aside from the rather obvious issue of adolescent self absorption, themes are generally grouped into; rants (single, random episode, or ongoing, brought to a rolling boil events); personal angst that is vague enough to strangers, but blindingly bloody obvious to the more acquainted; what i have been up to. from my random blog hopping, this appears to be fairly typical of many office workers who are letting their productivity slide, or stay at home mothers keeping their friends and family up to date on little jessica and johnnie's latest spit up or smack down milestone. showers appear to be my particular catalyst for (creative) bullshit; following the shampoo, a quick rinse on thesaurus.com for some impressive sounding 4 syllable synonyms and a squeaky clean new blog with a hint of spring flowers is ready to publish.