you mean it won't turn my pee orange?

i have been fighting a UTI this past week. my armament has included a surplus of "over the counter" and "it'll clear up, eventually". this was finally immobilized today, by the omnipotent force of "(surrogate) mother guilt"; matriarchal co-workers shared their horror stories of debilitating kidney infections.

for the third time in 30 days (i average 1 in every 365), i filled out my demographic information on a clip board, for a heavy set woman in flourescent scrubs to look at, butcher my name, and temporarily cut off my arm's circulation in a windowless room.

my entire consultation lasted 2 minutes. i admitted to being a chronic OTC whore (the physician noted his own avoidance of medical professionals), he confirmed my diagnosis; "your urine has a lot of white blood cells", and read my mind; "you just want me to write you some drugs". i asked about the infamous side effects.

"no, this medication won't impress your friends".

nuts, pee that looks like gatorade would have been pretty cool.