land o' lakes; where the trails were like buh-dder

i have not been camping, or to lbl (land between the lakes recreation area, ky), or camping at lbl. in quite a few underwear changes (2 years if memory serves..?). this weekend saw the mass exodus of social service professionals, various significant others, and canines for some QT under the stars and canvas. the ultimate goal was to escape (histrionic co-workers, and violent 7 year olds) and confront (our past selves; several were packing some excess baggage in their memory chests that desperately needed unloading). aside from that, the agenda was "all american" (except for me). there were s'mores, BEER, and a floating dock (i'd never heard of such a thing) to lie back on, look at stars, and inhale maggie's farts and stagnant lake water.

the fear of going hungry 10 minutes from "civilization" was a strong one for all in our troop, where the most sought after/ valued item (aside from alcohol, pop tarts, and bug spray) was an oven mitt. other wilderness "necessities" included a box of hair removal gunk, nothing better with the humidity and mosquitoes in august like hot wax. it was not broken out the entire weekend. unfortunately that was not the only thing that was not broken out this weekend. while the campsite had incredible bathrooms, at least 50% of the party's colon had shut down. no amount of hammering around on bumpy trails, force feeding of clif bars, or coffee seemed to shift things.

we rode the 20 (ish?) mile canal loop, stopping for kodak moments by the lake, and not so memorable slow motion snapshots of melinda picking herself up off the trail (following a graceful dismount, by way of impaling her womanly bits). some returned to apply ice and beer to both bruised "bits" and egos. the rest of the dehydrated idiots pressed on for more singletrack and switchbacky fun. fortunately trail and mechanical ptsd was minimal. the last time i rode at lbl my chain disappeared somewhere into the derailleur, and i walked, wept, and growled at my companion, the entire mile of searing blacktop, back to the car. the trails were very hot and dry this past weekend, so between the baptism of dust and spider webs, i had all kinds of good stuff to pick out of my nose upon returning (and succumbing to gravity and lactic acid).

after most of our party had showered (or jumped in the lake) we huddled around the campfire (it was 95 degrees) to keep warm (no toes had to be removed the entire trip). as there was no email to check, or blogs to write, we spent time conversing with each other about those very things. bumper stickers were borne: "i used to have time on my hands, then i got a blog" to the more bizarre: "if you were an ameoba, none of your friends would have boundaries". this climaxed into a friendly game of "calling you out on your shit" around the campfire. unfortunately my earlier rant about pregnant women refusing to do anything more taxing than picking up a tissue, or other women refusing to pay their own way if there was a male with a wallet nearby became: "so disa, it sounds like women who are weak really push some buttons for you, what does this bring up around your own issues of feeling weak?"

finally, for those individuals who insist on looking incredulously down their noses at the mention of "kentucky", please feel obliged to go and jump in a lake (preferably full of pirhanas, nessies, or discarded and broken washing machines). lbl has something for everyone (especially if you are rich enough to own a sailing boat). the trails are beautiful, there is plenty of interesting wildlife (for the record bambi is alive and living near the hillman ferry campground), and the omnipresent drunken rednecks, on a bachelorette weekend, in the campsite adjacent to ours. it was hot, sweaty, bug-y, and smelly. no one got much sleep between the humidity, insects and flatulence, however everyone agreed to commit to another weekend (away from their blogs) later in the year.