Friday, June 6, 2008

@#$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am an irritated and irritable curmudgeon. and despite my own tendency towards run on sentences, and a conservative, but haphazard seasoning of commas, the improper use of grammar irritates the shit out of me. however, excessive use of multiples of punctuation marks really boils my bile. specifically exclamation points. note: i was just able to express my very focused petulance, in two, very long sentences, without a single one of those things. you are pretty much guaranteed that i will not take you seriously at all. one is quite sufficient. having more than one question mark does not make it more than one question, it just veers that question into rhetorical territory.

it is not the exclamation of anger that angers me, it is the brimming adolescent excitability, that apparently necessitates an entire family of line-dot, line-dot, line-dot's. aside from the numbers, that top row of your keyboard is designated for the rarely used icons- even the question mark, a far more common occurence in our general lexicon, is kept closer at hand, nestled in with the space bar and quotation marks.

use them sparingly. they are meant for serious emergencies and natural disasters: FIRE! EARTHQUAKE! HELP ME FIND SOMETHING TO EAT, AS IT HAS BEEN MORE THAN 2 HOURS SINCE MY LAST SNACK, OR I WILL BE FORCED TO ENGAGE IN A LOW BLOOD SUGAR BLUDGEONING!

whether you are typing it, or saying it in my ear, perhaps you could just itallicize it?

1 comment:

mansuetude said...

my apologies for low blood sugar. i whisper i want to whisper when i shout it is heard better . my sister has a low blood sugar REASON for BLOWING UP when she WANTS TO BUT WE PRETEND she can't help herself. :) ps i love her anyway.