Monday, May 12, 2008

toilet seat covers

i am not a fan of the toilet seat cover, and not the ruffly pink kind that everyone's grandmother has to match the bathmat. they seem like a lot of effort for a quick pee (note: seat covers are generally found only in public toilets, and i would rather risk an obstruction than take an actual poo in a non-residential loo). i know that there are many like-minded bladders out there, who also refuse to "bury a quaker" in a public stall. so who then, are these people that take the time at a restaurant, bar, or airport departure terminal to go through the ritual of removing one from the box, tucking it in place, and then hunkering down for just a quick pee?

i have obviously never used a seat cover for the aforementioned reasons. however, the tactile-sensory issue of having wax proof baking parchment while at the petrol station, or motion sensored shrink wrap at o'hare, clinging to and crackling beneath my cheeks would not induce urethral relaxation. no more than taking a "sit" with damp thighs, after a shower does.

besides, from all this marathon training, the "squat 'n hover" maneuver is simply effortless for my quads of steel.

5 comments:

mansuetude said...

where do you get your " " phrases? you're full of turns of phrase i have never ever heard!

ps are you somehow related to "freud" way way back in the mind link??

Not Goth said...

I never used to even think about this till I came to the USA.. they must freak when they go to the UK and find a lack of those nasty wax thingys. Until recently all you would find in a British pub toilet was somewhere to put your cigarette.

Disa said...

no shit (ha!). sort of like when we first moved to the middle east and i saw my first bidet, followed by my first arabic toilet/hole in the ground.

Jawz3 said...

Whilst we are on the topic.. as an ex marathon runner ...one of the major problems has always been finding somewhere to 'perform'. Remember one particular race in rural Natal..S Africa.. at the start line there was nowhere to hide but it was dark ie 6 am so the best place was the village green. Amazing site at sun up!!!
Other memories.. ie carrying toilet tissue has its problems as it tends to get sweat soaked and becomes unusable as the race goes on. For that true SAfrican experience hop into the nearest field of "mielies".. corn on the cob to the rest of us..rugged but effective!!
TRUE

JAWZ3 said...

mansuetude... shes related to me