Wednesday, June 13, 2007

extreme makeover; office edition

the feng shui of your breeze blocked office, porta-cabin, or halogen lit cubicle can either draw or repel co-workers, in much the same way that strong body odour and a needy personality will.

for the 8 hours of keyboard sweat expended in a work day, it is important to have a visual reminder to "self", and "others" of the outside work "you". office interior 'design' functions as the self actualized, adolescent exterior 'design'. the key being a balance between individuality and professional cookie cutter (obsessive troll collectors and menopausal women with a dolphin "thing" are to be avoided at the watercooler). go into any school, commercial, or government building, and in addition to the OSHA posters about handwashing and TB, you will find the; over achieving, credential obsessed nerd dusting their many framed diplomas; the under achieving dropout who has wallpapered every surface with agency letterheaded "employee of the month", "on the spot award(s) for biggest kiss up", "most productive employee" (who can smoke the most during smoke break) certifcates; the hippy appalachian trail hiker, with african/south american/any third world country, tribal masks artfully hung; the obese matriarch, or chronic co-dependent, who always has a fully stocked jar of hershey's kisses; the "policy and procedure manual with cardboard boxes of PR pamphlets and brochures spilling onto the floor" employee who doesn't even have time to put a framed picture of their dog dressed up as santa on their desk; the "tear off barnes & noble calendars of garfield and the cartoon granny who wears sunglasses and a hat" and insists on telling you, every day, the accompanying quip du jour.

i was recently initiated into the 'forwarding of filth fold' by co-workers, perhaps it was "odd squad" card of a diahrea filled goldfish bowl that i have tacked to my corkboard that tipped them off?

1 comment:

total-spender said...

I think I can safely say that I fit into the "most productive employee" category.

Is that "8 hours of keyboard sweat" a result of actual work related tasks, or are you easily distracted at work ... ?