Saturday, June 2, 2007

averaging approx. 75 ml. of calamine per week

same time of year, same issues. i need to move somewhere there are no trees, shrubs, insects, animals or children. this would also mean no hiking, mountain biking, frisbee golf, bbq's, camping, pets, or job.

i started scratching myself earlier this week, however this is my baseline behavior so was not especially concerned. unfortunately, i felt lumps on my face. this obviously meant that i had to continue touching and navigating them. by the time i got to a mirror, i saw the now familiar poison ivy configuration of blister stripes on my forehead and cheeks. i am zulu warrior, watch me scratch.

as with the addictive things in life (i like to scratch 'n pick), one typically results in several. on my knuckle, my shoulder, my elbow, neck, and toe. my personal impulse control is minimal, so the blister gets pushed and poked until, oops! it bursts. at which point it oozes and seeps pure, undiluted itch.

i do not have health insurance at this "inside your 10 week grace period" time, but because i am an annual skin veteran, i now possess an array of products designed to combat my persistent symptoms. the apres shower routine has evolved into a finely choreographed application of topical analgesic to the various extremities. however, many of my itches and blisters are visible, so i have opted for clear gel instead of the more festive pink streaks and blobs. the advantage, despite calamine lotion looking a little strange, is that many people immediately recognize and diagnose the problem (at times from quite a distance) and offer sympathy. the gel, while clear, does dry, crack, and peel in the same way as it's pink counterpart, but without the pink prompt, co-workers/random strangers do not offer their condolences and their own poison ivy stories, instead i catch them staring at my moulting face, and inching a little further away.

dont even get me started on the bloody ringworm.


Jaws3 said...

No cure so suggest black plastic garbage bin liner.. over the head..
Col Mustard

total-spender said...

Speaking of ringworm: did you masseur telephone you and complain of an outbreak? lol.