Thursday, February 22, 2007

turning tricks for treats

as the polystyrene gravestones and inflatable spongebobs in dracula costumes are shoved into basements and garages to be replaced by life-size illuminated 'peanuts and the gang' pilgrims, halloween '06 has drawn to a close. irrespective of states lines or international borders there appears to be a particular penchant for both genders to use this as an opportunity to dress "up" as sluts 'n hoes. jessica rabbit, the obvious nurse/nun/catholic school girl, vampiresses, hooter's waitresses, devil girls, and witches (hook noses and ginormous chin boils not included). the inner sanctum of a psychiatric hospital does not appear to be impervious to such displays of meso and endomorphic proportions. rounding the hall with my lunch tray on tuesday i averted a collision with a sexy viking; fish-nets and all. i thought my ancestral lineage included rapists, pillagers, and warriors; burly men with the physique of the paper towel guy and hands the size of bicycle wheels.

last halloween i attended a spooky soiree with charlie brown's xmas tree, a devilled egg, uncle spam, and a homeless drunk regular of the highlands (usually seen at the wendy's intersection of bardstown road), we got to chuck sticky eyeballs all over devilled egg's living room. this year i stood outside for 3 hours with scores of teenagers groping each others nether regions, and in the spirit of halloween, clamped onto each others necks with much fervour.

fortunately the haunted trail at balboa park wasn't too gnarly for the many 3 inch spiked heel sandals that were hopping back and forth trying to keep warm. dress code appeared to be semi-formal; leather jackets and LV purses. one chap was sporting a golf cap positioned at a jaunty angle, cashmere sweater vest, voluminous checkered neck tie, diamond studs gracing each ear lobe and a rather fetching "mustache", unless he was intentionally using an eye pencil to define his upper lip. this ensemble was then completed with an amplified madonna style british accent. no one knew what he was talking about, but who cares, it sounded relevant and "now".

as often happens when humans stand in close proximity, it is hard to avoid eavesdropping, particularly when said humans are speaking in volumes that one would use to address a deaf pensioner or non-english speaker. this particular female had the uncanny ability to turn a 3 minute recap of the previous evening's traumatic "being hit on" experience at the bar, into a 15 minute monologue that we could all enjoy. i rather think it was her preponderance for interjecting "like" at regular, three word intervals that tacked on an extra 8 minutes.

my halloween goal for next year is to figure out how to put together a "slutty smurfette" costume and roast pumpkin seeds with good people.

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