shopping by numbers

i plan. excessively. post it's and abilify/zoloft/adderal note pads from the drug reps are part of my daily existence of list making. my xmas shopping list is almost complete, but then i fly to england for the festive family, food, and fights in a few weeks. 'almost complete' corresponds to; particularly ragged and meaty fingers (no nails).

my sister-in-law has already received the requisite personalized stationary, flannel pj's, and cute hat, glove, scarf combo in past years. i do not enjoy being the recipient of multiples of things, i therefore inflict my values on others and try not to overwhelm them with accessories either. currently on her "list" there is a lot of crippy crap. stocking stuffers are easy, however, im not sure she wouldnt misinterpret the message that i might be sending her about spending time in the kitchen with all kinds of nifty (but, oh such cute colours!) vegetable peelers and garlic presses. i therefore attempted the mall this weekend, well, tj maxx- in the kitchen gadget aisle, dodging small, squealing, and running (and apparently orphaned) children.

pyjama's, a glass of wine and google; who knew shopping could be so impersonal and yet so absent of mother's unable to tame their children. using similar technology to those "find your soulmate" websites, i can punch in her age, interests, and jewelry preferences from little picture options and am profiled a potential list of perfect presents. she is a "fashionista", but don't forget to check out "domestic diva", who shares some interests with the "urban goddess". there were chintzy tampon cases, floor mats made out of recycled flip flops (this was the "nature girl" profile) or for the "supermom" you can purchase a 'pee pee teepee'. this is a small, washable cone, with fun prints on it that you put over your newborn son while changing his nappy to avoid the garden sprinkler effect (i did purchase my brother a box of "tor-pee-do's" last year to drop in the toilet and take aim at), damn my girlffriend for having a little girl and denying me this impulse buy.

unfortunately my shopping cart remains empty.