Monday, February 26, 2007

curriculum vitae

once again i find myself gainfully unemployed (watch the ringworm make a comeback now i have no health insurance), and have been trawling the various on-line job sites, and pimping out my friends for connections. my cv clearly outlines what i am trained to do; be an art therapist, teach english as a second language, teach aerobics. furthermore, it even specifies that i can teach exercise (and english) to children, assess all types of mental illness found in the DSM IV, facilitate groups, individual and family therapy sessions, formulate treatment plans, and get my documentation done on time. i did not include the skills of being able to fart around on the internet between appointments.

i am currently struggling to make sense of the lexical set involved with career building. attending medical school, flight school or law school equates to becoming a plastic surgeon, fighter pilot or judge. the only career titles that i recognize any more are "nurse" and physical therapist", everything else is an ambiguous code of nouns and adjectives (and i enjoy being verbose).

prospective employees are now referred to as "specialists", "technicians", "developers", "direct respondents", "representatives", "officers", "chiefs", "field consultants", and "incumbents". they must have "black belts" in "monitoring" and "co-ordinating" "multiple activities" and "performance", "enforcing" more daily management "activities" in order to "drive performance goals" to "maintain efficiency". they must "motivate" to ensure that "predetermined productivity and quality standards" are "achieved" or "exceeded". finally they must use their "strong leadership" and "detail oriented communication skills" to "modify" all "policies and procedures" and other "compliance" related phenomenon dedicated to "internal and external customer satisfaction", all of whom have "diversified portfolios".

the plasma centre needs a "location supervisor"...

1 comment:

saltandsaffron said...

I hope you get a job real soon! I have been looking for one as well.. and the in between waiting period is just hateful!